there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
