I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
