there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
