Do you still have your period?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
