Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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