My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
