i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Let's paint friendship bongs
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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