he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
