I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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