I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
