I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize