bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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