youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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