you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
