Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
i now understand why vodka
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
