i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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