So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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