so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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