Don't you send me to vm
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
