3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
