I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
