Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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