Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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