i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
