No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
