those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
