I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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