dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize