last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
