Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
