when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
