i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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