Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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