Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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