Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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