Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
