I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
