If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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