I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
