at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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