He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
