Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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