my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
