He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
