Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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