she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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