When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
