I molested 6 butterflies tonight
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
