The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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