saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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