she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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