If that was your dad, he is hot
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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