I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
he was CRYING into my vagina
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
