I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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