He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Sorry my hands just texted you
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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