Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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