there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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