All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It's official drugs can't kill me
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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