I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just blew my weed a kiss
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
