K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
