Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
