To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
even my farts smell like vagina
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
