I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
