I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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