wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
