There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
