Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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