Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
