I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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