if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
