...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
