I got chris browned last night
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
