i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize