I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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