Im at strip club and am horny
You can't special order awesome
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
