She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
