My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
