Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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