My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I need to stop coming to work sober
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize