found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just had sex on a roof
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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