Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
