you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
