dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
my shit smells like andre
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
