Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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