I molested 6 butterflies tonight
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
