Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
