I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
