i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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