she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
