Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
