just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Green mimosas i think yes
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize