i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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