u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
