how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I met the friendliest cop last night
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
