I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize