Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
