I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
