Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
