i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
