I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
