i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
