I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
