My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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