the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
