Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Randomize
