It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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