Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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