Can i not drive my cunt home
Please, let me fuck your mom
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
